The Man’s Jewish Prayer Expressing Thanks for Not Being a Woman
Traditional Jewish weekday morning prayers include a set of blessings to be uttered to express gratitude for aspects of life ranging from being able to stand upright to having clothing. Included in these blessings is a striking one to be uttered by boys and men: being thankful for not being made a woman (שלא עשני אשה). (Girls and women typically instead recite a blessing of gratitude for being made according to God’s will). This blessing derives from the Talmud, which grouped this prayer with two others, one expressing gratitude for not being made a non-Jewish person and another for not being made a boor (updated in today’s blessings to be a slave).
Putting aside the potential offense caused by uttering the other blessings, such as for not being non-Jewish, consider how to understand the man’s blessing expressing gratitude for not being a woman. A companion volume to the Mishna offers what has long been considered the authoritative understanding for this blessing: Men are expressing gratitude because they are obligated to do more biblical commandments than women are. According to this explanation, men uttering this blessing are not looking down on women so much as expressing appreciation for having the chance to comply with so many biblical commandments. Not only does this reasoning carry the distinct scent of apologetics, but it also begs the question of why Judaism does not give women as many chances to observe Judaism as it gives men. The sexism feels profound.
Similar apologetic—and offensive—explanations abound. Some suggest that the blessing indicates that women have more homemaking and spiritual obligations, so it is more difficult to be a woman. Others say it owes to the dangers women endure in pregnancy and childbirth and that men avoid.
Not only are these understandings of the words upsetting, but the words themselves can wound girls and women who see them in prayer books and hear men utter them daily. As psychologist Giti Bendheim elaborates, “What can this possibly mean to young girls just learning to pray, to adolescent girls grappling with their developing sexuality, to young women emerging into intellectual and sexual maturity, to mothers teaching their daughters how much they love being a Jewish woman? What compelling explanation can serve to ensure self-esteem in a girl who hears how happy her male equivalent is to not be what she is?” Similarly, she wonders about the horrible lessons this imparts to boys and men as well: “From an early age, and on a daily basis, our sons use sanctioned language that conveys to them, and to whoever else is listening, that valuing their gender is predicated on devaluing the opposite gender.” Indeed, some rabbinic figures have expressed the concern that many men recite this blessing with a smug feeling of superiority.
In light of the understandable offense taken by these words, some contemporary liberal rabbis have suggested changing the words of the blessing to something that is not hurtful. They emphasize Jewish ethical values as predominant. By contrast, others resist any change on the ground that the recitation of this blessing is commanded by the Talmud. Some in this camp suggest taking the blessing in its historical context as a way to diminish the offensiveness
Others try to find an innovative middle ground between saying these words and undoing their sexism. One synagogue administrator says that as he recites these words, he thinks, “Despite the advances women have made in our society and my own strong feminist commitments, it’s still easier to be a man in today’s world. It’s an acknowledgement of my own unearned privilege and my hope that my daughters live in a world with less misogyny and entrenched patriarchy. Prayer helps us articulate an ideal world as it reminds us of the imperfections we are charged with fixing.” In essence, he’s reclaiming the sexism and using it to inspire himself to diminish it in the world and recognizes his male privilege. He’s recognizing that while words have accumulated meaning, they can also be recaptured to give them new meaning.
Ultimately, even if some reclaim these words in this poignant and productive way, others will still be stung by the sexism in these words. As they stand, they represent the tension between tradition and modern values that Judaism must contend with.
